Riding the Waves of Awkwardness
by FTB
Summary: This is the start to something awkward. Richard is actually having a nice time til he finds himself in possession of something that isn't his. *Chapter 6 added*
1. chapter 1

Hi, this is my first DiP fic. I have done others over the years for different programs. Nothing belongs to me, I just let my imagination run away with it.

Let's all pretend that season 3 onwards never happened. I do, I stopped watching as soon as I knew Ben Miller wasn't coming back.

Chapter 1

Richard had got used to arriving back in Saint Marie. The bump of the small plane bouncing a couple of times on the tarmac as it landed no longer made him feel sick. The heat as he got off the plane was merely a slap in the face rather than the punch to the gut it had been the first time. Walking out of the terminal with his luggage had been a novelty, the whole trip had been.

A police conference in Jamaica about joint strategies between islands to tackle drug smuggling had turned out to not be able the time wasting junket he thought it would be. On top of the really quite interesting new information at a couple of the seminars he'd made contact with a particularly enterprising Royal Navy officer selling goodies from home.

A box of Jelly Babies, 3 bars of Cadburys Dairy Milk, a mint Aero, cheese and onion crisps, prawn cocktail crisps, 2 packets of polo mints and a Curly Wurly. It was all worth its weight in gold. He'd even put in an order for a package to be sent to him containing HP sauce, OXO cubes and Tetley Teabags. Ithad all left him in an uncharacteristically good mood.

He'd felt a bit left out on the first day when Camille had bumped into former colleagues from Paris and disappeared with them to catch up but he'd been pleasantly surprised at lunch when a couple of fellow Brits had asked to sit at his table in the hotel restaurant. One of them even had even left behind a copy of The Times that was only a couple of days old with an untouched crossword that he had greedily scooped into his briefcase.

After popping into Catherine's to see Dwayne and Fidel and drink a cup of tea he was looking forward to getting back to his beach front home to tuck into his treats from home and read his newspaper.

Over the last couple of days he had kept waiting for the inevitable "thing" to break his streak of good luck to happen but as he placed his case on his bed at the end of the evening he let out a long sigh of relief. He opened the doors facing the sea to let in some fresh air and Harry the lizard then turned back to unpack. He unzipped and pulled the lid upwards.

This wasn't his case, the main clue to that was the female clothing and toiletries and of course, the battery operated sex toy laying on the top that he couldn't quite look away from.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

He arrived at the office a lot earlier than usual the next morning. He placed the case that belonged to Sergeant Borday next to her desk. He did didn't want to be seen touching it knowing what it contained. He couldn't stop glancing up at it though. He kept urging himself to ignore it and concentrate on the emails he had to reply to and the reports to read and sign off on but nothing was quite going in. He had to re-read everything.

Fidel's arrival had made him jump out of his skin but being tucked around the corner meant he hadn't been noticed. They greeted each other. Fidel's asked about the conference and the question made Richard snap out of his private thoughts and turn on his professionalism.

"There was some very interesting ideas put forward, some of these strategies could really increase our intelligence gathering and put in place what could be major operations run across several islands that simultaneously arrest whole gangs to shut down smuggling routes completely. This is something I think we should all get involved with and also has the added benefit of being a high profile scheme that the Commissioner will enjoy talking about." Richard said.

"And take credit for" Fidel added

"Ah, but as you know Sergeant Best, we don't do this job for the credit. I like to think of it as a calling. Something that certain people are drawn to do to serve society."

"I was just drawn to the salary" said Dwayne as he slinked into the room, wearing his sunglasses and clutching his head.

"Late night Dwayne?" Fidel asked

"And the uniform, the ladies like a man in uniform." Dwayne continued ignoring the question. "The handcuffs are just a bonus."

"Dwayne, don't ever let me catch you using your official police issued handcuffs for anything other than official police business." Richard said pointing at Dwayne.

"Sure thing Chief, I'll make sure you never catch me." Dwayne replied with a smile that was rudely cut short by loud bang just outside that made him wince.

"Sorry about that" said Camille as she breezed into the room after picking up the black case she had dropped at the top of the stairs. "Dwayne, you need to see my mother"

"What for?" he asked

"You left your handcu-" she replied but Dwayne and Fidel were both gesturing for her to shut up "your hand-er-kerchief in the bar last night"

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear any of that" Richard said as he stared at the report on his desk. There was absolutely no way he was going to make eye contact with Camille right now. "I've placed your case by your desk Camille, if you could return the favour?"

"Of course" she replied and wheeled the case over to him, deftly swinging it around and dropping the handle down into place right up against his desk. Then she lent over and whispered "What is a Curly Wurly?"

"None of your business" he snapped back sounding a lot meaner than he meant to. The whole time he continued to pretend to read the report in front of him.

She wondered what she'd done to upset him and then realised sometimes you never work out what upsets Richard. As she walked to her desk he felt guilty, he glanced up one more time while she had her back to him and saw the case by her desk. He was blushing.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

He had hardly acknowledged her existence all day. She'd probably embarrassed him. After all she now knew about all the chocolate and sweets he had in his case. Yes, that was probably it. She hadn't spent much time with him at the conference but she had seen him talking to other people and now she knew what he was exchanging money for the morning they left that he stuffed into his luggage without her seeing. She laughed at the idea of him trying to hide it all from her.

It wasn't until she got home and opened her own case that she realised that the last thing she packed, the thing she had almost left behind must have been the first thing her boss had seen. In fact in was the only thing she could see right now. This was far more embarrassing than a secret stash of snacks. It was quite probably the most embarrassing thing to happen to anybody. She couldn't think of anything more humiliating.

The next day at the station, Dwayne and Fidel watched their two colleagues ignore one another with bemusement. They had to wait until lunchtime when the two detectives had left to talk it over. They lent over the balcony to watch out for them coming back.

"I understand the Chief acting strange. He is strange." said Dwayne

"But Camille..."

"Exactly!"

"What do you think? Something from the conference?" Fidel asked

"You thinking they got down and dirty, a little hotel hanky-panky and now they're back home they regret it?"

"No, besides Camille was fine yesterday"

"Hmm, maybe but I saw her whisper something to him and he didn't even look up at her. Maybe she didn't regret it but he does and now she's ignoring him too."

"Was he doing that thing yesterday" asked Fidel "When he stares at her when she's not looking?"

"Nope, not once"

"You see, she was doing that yesterday but she's not doing it today. That makes me think something happened after work last night. So I asked him what he did last night"

"And what did he say?" Dwayne asked eager for the details

"It wasn't what I expected. He said he'd had a very enjoyable evening reading an English newspaper and doing the crossword in it" Fidel replied and they both looked confused "Then there's the thing with the cases."

"I'd forgotten about that but she didn't seem too bothered about that yesterday. Have you asked her what she did last night?"

"Laundry"

"That doesn't give us any clues"

"Dwayne, in all honesty, I think she said something terrible about the English and he said something terrible about the French and tomorrow it all goes back to normal."

"Maybe you're right"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Fidel was not right. It had been a week. They weren't ignoring each other anymore but eye contact had not yet returned. The staring thing had only just come back yesterday. Dwayne and Fidel were still keeping tabs on strange behaviour. the Chief was reading the same book all week, he'd normally get through three in that time. Dwayne had been trying to get Camille alone as she had seemed like she wanted to talk but when he asked, she just clammed up or said it was fine.

It was not fine. Camille had spent the week desperately wanting to tell someone but just couldn't quite find the words to tell anyone what her boss had seen in her case. That this was worse because she had feelings for him and he was English, and annoying and brilliant and closed off and uptight and nervous and sweet and an old soul but childishly naive sometimes, and maybe he wasn't traditionally good looking but he'd do these things that would make her weak at the knees and he'd argue with her over things that didn't matter and sulk and be moody for no reason and she'd tease him and she'd make him smile and and and...and OMG he'd seen her vibrator and why didn't the earth beneath her open and swallow her up?!

Richard on the other hand had decided against thinking about it. Distraction was the name of the game. At work he was planning a surveillance and intelligence gathering regarding inter-island the anti-smuggling scheme. Outside of work he thoroughly cleaned the whole hut, reorganised all his books, assembled and painted the Airfix model of a Hawker Hurricane that his mother had sent him for his birthday and finally he'd drawn up a list of lists he wanted to make and then completed those lists.

He couldn't stop the dreams though. He never could. She invaded his mind night after night and then he did think about it. He'd think about how she was beautiful and confident. He'd think about being 'Dick' who'd never been married and although he had had girlfriends, that was a long time ago and he'd never actually asked a woman out on a date and he was happy on his own, wasn't he? You don't get hurt if you don't let anyone in. Then he'd seen that thing and now he was thinking about her and sex and now they couldn't even look at each other.

There was nothing else for it, he had to put another coat of paint on his model plane.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Police officers the world over will tell you stakeouts are not as exciting as TV and films would have you believe. It really does involve sitting in a car for hours on end with absolutely nothing happening. This does not stop every police officer the world over getting excited about going on a stakeout. There's just something so appealing about having binoculars, a camera and a legitimate reason to be nosy and spy on people.

Although it had partly been a tactic to avoid Camille, Richard had really enjoyed teaching Fidel how to run a surveillance op. He'd give the young sergeant a task and off they went. Richard would answer his questions and tell him what he did right and what he did wrong and Fidel would soak it all up like a sponge. This was part of policing he'd never really got do before coming to Saint-Marie, passing on the knowledge to the next generation and yet it was something he'd really got stuck into.

On his and Camille's first hour of their shift on the stakeout he could hardly stop talking about it. She smiled at him and made little jokes about him and Richard was so pleased. Things were much better now. A couple of days away from the station with Fidel had done the trick. There were still moments where one or both of them weren't completely comfortable but this why the stakeout was the perfect setting. If in doubt have a good stare at the target through the binoculars or adjust the zoom on the camera. The best thing to do was start a stakeout game.

What would you have for your last meal? Top 5 films. Top 5 songs. Best birthday Vs worst birthday. What superpower would you have? What are your 3 wishes from the genie in the lamp? What animal would you be? Richard had plenty prepared in his mind if needed. He was going to make sure the time flew by. Camille thought that at times he was trying too hard to make that happen but she wasn't sorry for it.

It was a relief when Dwayne and Fidel turned up to take over but Richard was glad that they could enjoy spending time together again. He was in one of his good moods again. He should've just left it. Instead the words just escaped his mouth before he realised the danger he'd put himself in.

"Fancy keeping me company on the walk home, Camille?" She turned, nodded and jogged the couple of steps to catch him up and suddenly they were walking side by side in silence feeling uncomfortable again.

Fidel and Dwayne got into the car. Fidel adjusted the zoom on the camera and Dwayne stared down the binoculars, not at the target but at their colleagues as they walked away together.

"See, I told you it would all go back to normal" said Fidel

"Whatever you say my friend." replied Dwayne as he put down the binoculars. "Let's get serious about this stakeout. First things first, Beyonce or Rihanna?"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Richard had decided to fill the silence. He could see the hut from here. He was trying to explain how it doesn't get dark here. How it's light and then suddenly it's dark and how in England it's light and then sometime later it was dark. He knew he was rambling on but he couldn't help it and Camille didn't seem to be listening anyway.

He suddenly realised that they were almost at his home and he'd invited her along for this walk and he couldn't just leave it at that. He asked her in for a drink. He grabbed a couple of beers from his fridge and joined her on the porch.

"We should talk about it, y'know" she said as she twisted the lid off the beer he'd handed her

"Absolutely not"

"Why not?"

"Because we're nearly there. Another day or so and we've ridden the waves of awkwardness" he replied.

"The waves of awkwardness?"

"Exactly. Something happens, neither of us wants to talk about it. We put up with the excruciating awkwardness for a week or so and then it all goes away. It's the very definition of the British stiff upper lip." Richard explained "We've done this before. This has just been the worst incidence. In fact, once we're passed this, I doubt it'll ever be this bad again."

"Are you talking about the not-a-hurricane?" she asked

"Yes and lots of other moments we've had that we ignore and move on from after-"

"Riding the waves of awkwardness" she interrupted

"Yes and we're nearly there this time so stop talking about it"

"And when my mother set me up on that date-"

"Stop talking about it" he said over her

"-and I thought it was you and I wanted it to be you"

"I know. I know you know and you know I know" he said knowing that she knew that made sense. "All this is me seeing something that I shouldn't have seen and given an appropriate amount of time we can pretend I didn't see it."

"You can't even say what 'it' is" she said with exasperation.

"That's where you're wrong. I am perfectly capable of saying the word. I am just choosing not to. I am also choosing to end this conversation and continue painting my aeroplane" his said and then stood up and went inside the hut.

"Is that a euphemism?" she called after him. His reply was to thrust the model plane out the door for her to see "Oh, you really are painting a plane."

He retracted his hand and sat in the armchair. Put the plane down for a moment to open one of the pots of paint. He dipped the brush in, picked up the plane again. He hoped that was the end of the matter.

"You said I looked stunning that night" she said now standing in the doorway to his right. He didn't look up.

"Are we really talking about it this time?" He looked up and she shrugged her shoulders "You did look stunning and you deserved more of a date than cocktails at your mother's bar. If I had been your date, I would've taken you out."

"Where would you take me?" she asked.

"I honestly don't know but your mother wouldn't have been there" he looked off to the side and sighed loudly "I would've taken you to dinner"

"Then take let's do that. Let's do that tomorrow night. The boat we're on has ridden enough waves and has reached its destination."

For a moment she thought she'd gone too far. He was still delicately painting the plane. Then he carefully put down both the brush and the plane. Then he took a deep breath in.

"Rabbit" he said finally. It wasn't what she expected him to say. "The thing in your case was a rabbit"

He said it so straightforwardly it took her by surprise. Then she laughed. He smiled at her reaction. It wasn't often that the joke was by him and not about him. She sighed and smiled back at him.

"So then Camille, table for two tomorrow at 8"


End file.
